“36 layers” Where has she gone?

It wasn’t that long ago that I happened to look in the mirror and for the first time ever I really took a look at myself. I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. Where has she gone? A time comes in everyone’s life when you simply cannot exist in the state you are in. Whether it’s dissatisfaction with life, depression, anxiety, existential crisis or all of the above, we reach a point when looking in the mirror we don’t recognize the person staring back at us.

For me, this was the summer before my 30th birthday. Not only did the person in the mirror not look like me, she didn’t feel like me either. I felt like I was somewhere in there but buried deep beneath so many layers of what I thought I should be and ultimately what drove me to dissatisfaction with life and an unhappy existence. I felt trapped in a strange vessel I didn’t know or recognize. My soul was somewhere deep inside gasping for air, and I’m sure I recognized this sooner than that moment , but it wasn’t until then that something clicked within. There was no turning back.

There’s a long story between that moment and today. Maybe I’ll be able to tell that story one day and all of what led me back to myself, but not today. Today I'll show you a little piece of my soul.

It has been 6 years since then, and the person that exists today writing this is very different than the one who was staring in the mirror crying out for help. As I chose myself, as I chose growth, as I chose to lift my own soul into light, everything and everyone that was not serving that purpose for me exited my life. When life felt like it was falling apart, it was actually falling into place.

This is a very long way to go about explaining the latest piece of art I created. A very quick piece actually, which was a surprise to me because I’m not one who works very quickly. I tend to overthink so it takes me a while to finish these pieces.

This one I call “36 layers”, which is basically what you read above, about my own life and 36 years on this planet filled with transformations and change. Dancing naked (stretch marks and all) in her own balanced power, trusting her heart to lead her to where she needs to be.

What these last 6 or 7 years ultimately taught me about art and creativity, is that I cannot separate my own experiences and personal growth from the work. The art will only have a meaning if my soul is in it.

I hope whoever is reading this knows how special and unique they are because we’re all here for the same reason; to learn, to grow and to love, everything else is filler.

Here are some detailed shots and a process from start to finish.

Finished piece:

How it started: