Portrait painting - ”The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

Joseph Campbell said "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” It look me a long time to get to a point where I was comfortable getting to know myself and even though that journey has been ongoing for four or so years, it's still not complete. Pretty sure it doesn't have a destination, it's a lifelong thing. You have to accept to actively be interested in the person you are now and the person you continue to evolve into. What does that even mean? "Getting to know yourself". For a long time, that expression felt a bit cliche. For me this was accepting the things I liked and disliked, accepting what I looked like, loving what I looked like and my thought process. It really is about becoming your own best friend. Liking your own company and becoming the sole owner of your happiness.

I think that's one of the reasons I have been drawn to portrait painting. I haven't done much of it myself until recently, but I have always been interested in people, in the human experience, the archetypes we each embody through life and how those manifest in the personalities we show to the world. I often wonder if shying away from portrait painting was a way of avoiding getting to know myself. A part of painting someone's portrait is not merely making sure the outcome looks like them on the outside but pulling something human, something from the soul and making sure that this essence of the soul somehow translates into the painting. That bit is difficult. You almost have to have a deeper connection with the person in order to bring that to life. Might be the reason why it's difficult to paint from photos, especially if you don't know the person. How do I capture a soul's essence in this image of the person I am trying to portray? We all wear masks in life depending on who we are with so getting beyond that mask, getting to know the soul behind it is what intrigues me and I think the key to a successful portrait.

Recently, and by recently I mean in the last couple months, I have been intrigued by portraits. Watching other people paint them and trying it for myself. I have been obsessed with the British series called Portrait Artist of the Year, it's brilliant. It's often not the most "beautiful" painting that wins but one that brings forward something else in the sitter, their character or something we would have missed if we didn't look closer. Something that might be difficult to translate from a photo.

I have sketched in my sketchbooks often the people I know; friends, family, colleagues, etc., but sitting down to consciously paint either myself or someone else is another experience. A few months ago I did a portrait of myself, which I hadn't done in a really long time. I think the last time I did something like that was in an art class in college or maybe in 2020. This recent experience was my first proper go at it. It was not fantastic (technically speaking), but I did catch this sort of melancholy feeling about me in that moment. Today I did another self portrait and again I caught a similar but more peaceful feeling. It's not really sadness, but something deeper. I think it's a visual representation of my healing process over the last few years, healing of letting go of resentments and working through my own shadows, as well as focusing on self love. I also did one of my mom, another soul very near and dear to my heart and it's one I was very pleased with because I can see technical progress. I also did another portrait (one I love a lot), which I cannot share here for different reasons. It's another soul near and dear to my heart and that was another I was very proud of, even though I did it from a very grainy small photo.

I mentioned some of the themes that I enjoy bringing into my art in one of my earlier posts. People and the human psyche is one of those interests which I hope to explore more this year. Hoping to take that on this year by doing more portraits, even if they're self portraits. I want to develop my skills with color mixing but also be able to bring out this soulful element in the portrait to make it come alive and tell a story.

The very first attempts were from 2020 below of self-portraits. Oddly very colorful for such a strange year.

They both felt a bit flat, though the first one is called "Chaos", and the representation was a bit too literal.

2022 - Recent self -portrait. Not the best technically speaking but it was quick. There is a melancholy yet stern look here.

2022 - Recent - portrait of my mom ( definite progress - maybe 1.5 hours of work)

Today - Jan 22, 2023- Self Portrait (2.5 hours of work)

Still that melancholy feeling but a softness/gentleness as well.